FC Adverbus

we are FC Adverbusof the Grammar League,seasoned athletes ofthe muddy soccer fieldthe chaotic consciousnessbetween your goalpost-earswithin your writer's mind they say we're inferior toReal Adjectivus, Metaphoris United,FC Similium, Rhetoricaand all those other arrogantGrammar League squads - butwe're actually pretty damn goodat helping you to score oft-mocked and malignedby League ownersHemingway, Zinsser,Elmore and King(who once snorted …

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Useless as Teats on a Bull!

ah, Springtime!sunshine, birds chirpingcrisp morning air, peace kissed Jane... later babe!happy day ahead!time for commute #1206 fired up Roddy'57 Chevy convertible!pulled out of the garagegathered speedlivin' large! yeah! uhh...what's that sound under the hood? sped up, louderslowed down, quieterstrange, eeriea thousand dollar sound back homeMike the mobile mechanicshrugged his shouldersfor ninety-five bucks phone rang.  Barry.“Where …

The Watery Path Not Taken

~~ Chasing the Rainbow ~~ (inspired by Jan LaFountain Melnik) two curves converged upon the distant shorewhere skinny pond engaged with bright rainbow...I knew a pot of gold would lie in store!to slosh through water, nothing pleased me more...but would the magic last? I didn’t know I wished that I could run that liquid trailbut …

Did Michael Just Call My Name?

here we go again eleven of us stuck in tiny black boxes built by servers and routers, from electrons, silicon and glass the usual yawnfest every damned morning at nine and I'm stuck in Box Three Jim just sits there smiling Dwight keeps interrupting while childish Michael our hapless boss has gathered us here to …

The Angry Giant Zucchini

I hate you my little brother and sister zukes you're so cute, tidy, green, unblemished you seduce the gardeners winking your stupid orange blossoms whispering "Pick me! Pick me!" and then, enchanted, they'll carefully pluck you gently hold you slowly turn you around smiling, admiring cooing as if you’re some kind of newborn baby “Look …

Area Man Discovers the Joy of Shoes Without Laces

from: The Pepperville Tribune Tuesday, June 2nd, 2020 Pepperville resident, Ben Wilson, has recently discovered the satisfaction that comes with not having to tie up his sneakers every time he puts them on. It seems 47-year-old Wilson found this out only recently, while searching in vain for the eleventh pair of his usual lace-ups at …

Supermarket Swingers

Six hunky, well-ripened avocados, nine hot young chilies and three smartly-pressed cloves of garlic seeking fresh, fragrant shallots and tart, juicy lemons for discreet, no-strings-attached Cuisinart group encounters in an upscale kitchen in Layville's desirable Tenderloin district.We're pepper-friendly and love salty humour. You're chill, GMO-free, at least 18 hours post-harvest, and willing to practise safe …

To Rhyme is Divine

dismissive champions of free verseare wont to scorn and even curseus bards who like our poems to rhymeas ignorant of thoughts sublimebut unlike bingeing on YouTuberhyme makes us solve a Rubik's cubenot plastic squares of red and yellowbut grey matter, like hardened jelloyes rhyming schemes can lead astraythe messages we thought we'd saybut hanging in …

Busted Baron

Well the Baron would flirt with greatverve and tenacity,hoping that he'd breach alady's morality.But whenever he wielded hisverbal dexterity,she would catch wind of hisclear insincerity.- Paul Raworth Bennett

Yeasty Beast

(photo credit: Christina) (dedicated to Dick and Christina) by Paul Raworth Bennett Still in his dressing gown, Dick was hauling the blue box to the curb when his wife's voice burst from the kitchen window, shattering the morning calm. “Dick! Get in here, now!” Dropping the container in the driveway, he rushed back into the …

Ferocious Fruit

by Paul Raworth Bennett (an Irish-jiggy kind of tune) Saturday night I was on my couch watching Show after show of just awful TV When my dull mind thought of homemade fruit salad But in the fridge there was none I could see So I walked down to the grocery and headed Straight for the …

Inside the Writer’s Mind: Letter to Amy

Preliminary notes: This little frivolity is a bit like a scene from a play.  The location is wherever (and whenever) I'm trying to write a letter... no, scratch that... trying to write anything at all. Green italicized text = the voice of my "inner critic". Red italicized text = my thoughts in response. Bold black …

It was ONLY a hat!

Appalachia hit by “Animal Rainstorms”

by Paul Raworth Bennett BREAKING WEATHER ALERT: For several days now, from mysterious origins thousands of feet above, it's been literally raining cats and dogs upon the leafy streets and stately old mansions of Beech Bottom, West Virginia. On every block, thousands of drenched, collarless and confused kitties and pooches - of all breeds, shapes, …

The Boys on the Hill

🙂 To hear this poem, use the player below. 🙂 The Boys on the Hill by Paul Raworth Bennett #PRBpoetry

Revenge, Foiled.

by Paul Raworth Bennett Today, I almost did a terrible thing. My dog Bingo and I were taking our usual morning stroll, walking briskly west along an eastbound one-way lane. As we passed in front of a daycare centre and playground, a row of angled parking spots was on our left. Suddenly an enormous, late-model …

Happy Floppy Puppy Play

by Paul Raworth Bennett Come on Bing, let's play! Let's play, Bingo. C'mon!! Kisses! C'mon… kisses! That's a boy! That's a boy!... Hug time!… hrrr..rrr… hrrr… hrrr… C'mon Bing, c'mon, let's play!... Floppy, floppy, puppy kisses! rrrr…! rrrr…! arrr..rrr!... Hug time! Come on! Attaboy! hrrr…! RUFF!! Okay... alright... okay…Bingo! hrrr... arrr... Ruff! RUFF! Bingo, that's …

All Hail Canada’s Hair Apparent!

🙂 To hear this story, use the player below. 🙂 All Hail Canada's Hair Apparent! by Paul Raworth Bennett Canadian Federal politics just got a lot hairier after yesterday's landslide victory for the Liberal Party's youthful and telegenic leader, Justin "Selfie" Trudeau. Lock-dreading, tressed-out Tory supporters may just feel like curling up in knots this …

Vowelplay

by Paul Raworth Bennett Hassan can, at a handclap, call a vassal at hand and ask that all staff plan a bacchanal. This surprisingly coherent little piece of verbal frivolity is an example of univocalics - a type of constrained writing in which all words use only a single vowel. The brilliant Canadian poet, Christian Bök, …