by Paul Raworth Bennett
(an Irish-jiggy kind of tune)
Saturday night I was on my couch watching
Show after show of just awful TV
When my dull mind thought of homemade fruit salad
But in the fridge there was none I could see
So I walked down to the grocery and headed
Straight for the produce aisle way at the back
Where all the fruits there had dark angry faces
And within seconds they launched their attack
(refrain)
Who’d ever guess that a few angry apples
Or that a posse of pissed-off ripe pears
Would have the gall to strike at hapless shoppers
With all the energy of angry bears (hey!)
With lightning speed all those fruits did hurl themselves
At my whole body and mainly my head
No other shoppers were there that could help me
And I began to fear ending up dead
(refrain)
Who’d ever think that some small cackling cherries
Or that a litter of leering old limes
Ever could have so much pent-up rage and that
They’d then express it in violent crimes (hey!)
In just a minute the fruit had me buried
Inside a heavy and enormous pile
Finally I dug myself out and I bolted
Just as if running a 4-minute mile
(refrain)
Who’d ever guess that a few angry apples
Or that a posse of pissed-off ripe pears
Would have the gall to strike at hapless shoppers
With all the energy of angry bears (hey!)
Who’d ever think that some small cackling cherries
Or that a litter of leering old limes
Ever could have so much pent-up rage and that
They’d then express it in violent crimes (hey!)
– Paul Raworth Bennett
Verbalis Neurotica 